Sunday, March 6, 2016

A day at a time

Some days are good... some days I can't breathe.  Some days I try to hide that I cried, some days I count how many days since I cried.  But every day, I write and every day at the end of what I write, my last statement is: "I love you more."

Today, I'm in a constant struggle of remembering the good times, thinking about the confusing times and lastly, those times in between.  To say things were easy is a lie.  I know I didn't ask for help all times I needed it, but I'm learning from that.

I also know that when I did ask for help and was completely transparent in October, I felt so much better.  Honesty is the best policy. 

I'm writing, mostly in a journal and not my blog, sorry friends.  But today, I finally made the biggest revelation.  Life goes on, even though most times, I don't want it to.  

I stop and look at others like "how do you not know what is going on?" BUT, at the end of the day, things just move on. Everyone doesn't get it, but I think everyone should.  

I bought groceries today, I got my steps in today, I walked my dogs, I cooked, and I spent the day with my husband and guess what: life goes on.

No matter what has happened, no matter the pain- the old cliche is right... another day, life goes on. Now, take a deep breath everyone and me included!  

It's time to smile again.  Time to smile like I mean it because at the end of the day- that's what Mom would want. Go girl and I love you more. 

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

I love you more ❤️

I've been avoiding my blog for awhile.  Mainly because I didn't want to acknowledge, accept or give into the 6 letter word that has made life so hard, sad and made me slightly negative.  I wanted to try my best to find gratitude and be grateful for things in my life.  But tonight my friends, I'm here to say that cancer sucks.

Mom had struggled so much since her first diagnosis in 2013, where she had her lung removed.  She was cancer free, but it came back to an adrenal gland that year.  Another surgery, another setback. She retired from teaching in June 2014 and continued to struggle, but with dignity.  She didn't tell a lot of people, she kept it private.   We celebrated clean scans for well over a year with tea parties, family, flowers, wet burritos, chocolate and love.

October 18th, 2015... something wasn't right..... Mom ended up back in the hospital and it was in her brain.  Her brain.... A tumor... Inoperable.... There had been swelling on the brain that had caused imbalance, odd conversations, memory issues, even weirder texts, but.... In a way, this was typical. Mom was the type of person to type C for yes.... Like she was trying to say Si in espanol :).

After a gamma knife radiation surgery, steroids, infections,  24/7 companion care.... Three months and 15 days later, she found peace.  It's hard to discuss or even imagine what she was going through but I know she is resting now, unlike before.  On February 2, around 1:57 pm, the day she had scheduled to meet with hospice herself, she looked better than she had in years- no pain, no swelling and rested. 

I miss our check ins, I miss telling her the price of gas ($1.34 this past weekend!)... I miss telling her what I made us for dinner, chatting about her questions or asking or getting her advice, and I miss hearing about the news she read in the paper that we had to talk about. (It would have been about Justice Scalia this weekend :).)

I know with time, it will get easier.... Well, I hope, because right now- it's pretty hard to believe.  But right now, I know, I talk to her every day in my new journal..... Without Mom is hard.

I urge you to call your Mom, and check in.  It doesn't take awhile, just hi... What are you up to.... And Be sure to say, "I love you more." ❤️

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Cheeseburger obssession

While we were in New York we tried some really great burgers!   We loved the burgers we had at the New York original, Shake Shack.  Of course I looked on blog after blog and found a great recipe to try!  Only after a couple of hours of reading reviewer comments.

This is the site where I found the recipe- Thank you for sharing!

I followed the directions and the end result was fantastic, so of course I had to share!

The amazing burger!!

They were so good that hubby requested them again the next day!   This time I added bacon! 


Pizza Pizza

One of the best parts of a big city is the quantity of pizza places.  NYC is definitely not short on pizza! 

We ended up going to three different places and one place twice in the same day! After coming back, the foodie that I am had to recreate that glorious thin crust pizza.  I'm a Chicago girl at heart and love the deep dish and thin pizza, but NY pizza crust is a little sweeter and foldable while you eat it!  

After searching Pinterest for hours for burgers, I added pizza to the list!   Here is the first one that I have tried, it will make three more pizzas, so I have more practice coming up!

I made the dough on Friday and took it out on Sunday and let it get to room temperature.  

When you pull the dough out, make sure it is bubbly, that means it is ready!


We ended up adding sausage and pepperoni and it was really good!  
Can't wait until next time!