Monday, January 2, 2017

1/2/17~ 11 months

I can barely believe it's been 11 months without my Mom.

I woke up this morning thinking and couldn't really wrap my mind around it.  I haven't talked to her in 11 months.  I do write in my journal and I've accidentally called, but it's really not the same.

I have four voicemails saved.   I usually don't save things, but I have them.  Two are from summer before she was supposed to come here just "checking in."  Another was from a grocery trip to our favorite place Ultra...just "checking in"...and the last was Christmas Eve last year, asking me if I had just called her (I hadn't we had left the rehab place 20 minutes before the message), but I'm grateful I have the message.

The message of today is... call your Mom.  Make it a schedule... call her a certain time every day or every week or whatever.. just make the time.

Just do it.  Make the time. ❤❤

Wait til "next year"

Born a Cubs fan... raised a Cubs fan.  The familiar words "Wait til next year.." are the norm.

That is until this special season.

I think back to fall 2015, the Cubs are in the playoffs again.  I'm at the hospital with my Mom and she says, "They are too young, it won't happen this year.. maybe next year."

"OK"... I think and I think nothing of it.

Mom passed away February 2nd surrounded by her family... and the season hadn't even started yet.

Fast forward to April 4, 2016.. opening day, all star break, and the regulars season best record in MLB and NL Central Title.  (Won by 17 1/2 games)....

Next up, the Playoffs... beating San Francisco and then the Dodgers... is this real?

Next up, the Indians.  Let's just call up Chief Wahoo.... seriously... what a matchup!

Down 3 games to 1.... the Cubs came back to win the final three....... and 6 and 7 on the road..... :). Bye bye Billy Goat... Bye bye Curse..... we are the champions!  Mom, this one was for you!

Sunday, January 1, 2017


I've been waiting for today for awhile.

A new year, a new page to write.

I've tried about 50 or so times to write last year, but each time something was off.

Now....something is different... there is a renewed spirit.  There is a hope in GOOD.

I write tonight open hearted.  Today is a new day.   It's a fresh year.  It's a year to start living.

I can do it.

Thanks for reminding me it can happen.

Sunday, March 6, 2016

A day at a time

Some days are good... some days I can't breathe.  Some days I try to hide that I cried, some days I count how many days since I cried.  But every day, I write and every day at the end of what I write, my last statement is: "I love you more."

Today, I'm in a constant struggle of remembering the good times, thinking about the confusing times and lastly, those times in between.  To say things were easy is a lie.  I know I didn't ask for help all times I needed it, but I'm learning from that.

I also know that when I did ask for help and was completely transparent in October, I felt so much better.  Honesty is the best policy. 

I'm writing, mostly in a journal and not my blog, sorry friends.  But today, I finally made the biggest revelation.  Life goes on, even though most times, I don't want it to.  

I stop and look at others like "how do you not know what is going on?" BUT, at the end of the day, things just move on. Everyone doesn't get it, but I think everyone should.  

I bought groceries today, I got my steps in today, I walked my dogs, I cooked, and I spent the day with my husband and guess what: life goes on.

No matter what has happened, no matter the pain- the old cliche is right... another day, life goes on. Now, take a deep breath everyone and me included!  

It's time to smile again.  Time to smile like I mean it because at the end of the day- that's what Mom would want. Go girl and I love you more.