Wednesday, February 3, 2016

I love you more ❤️

I've been avoiding my blog for awhile.  Mainly because I didn't want to acknowledge, accept or give into the 6 letter word that has made life so hard, sad and made me slightly negative.  I wanted to try my best to find gratitude and be grateful for things in my life.  But tonight my friends, I'm here to say that cancer sucks.

Mom had struggled so much since her first diagnosis in 2013, where she had her lung removed.  She was cancer free, but it came back to an adrenal gland that year.  Another surgery, another setback. She retired from teaching in June 2014 and continued to struggle, but with dignity.  She didn't tell a lot of people, she kept it private.   We celebrated clean scans for well over a year with tea parties, family, flowers, wet burritos, chocolate and love.

October 18th, 2015... something wasn't right..... Mom ended up back in the hospital and it was in her brain.  Her brain.... A tumor... Inoperable.... There had been swelling on the brain that had caused imbalance, odd conversations, memory issues, even weirder texts, but.... In a way, this was typical. Mom was the type of person to type C for yes.... Like she was trying to say Si in espanol :).

After a gamma knife radiation surgery, steroids, infections,  24/7 companion care.... Three months and 15 days later, she found peace.  It's hard to discuss or even imagine what she was going through but I know she is resting now, unlike before.  On February 2, around 1:57 pm, the day she had scheduled to meet with hospice herself, she looked better than she had in years- no pain, no swelling and rested. 

I miss our check ins, I miss telling her the price of gas ($1.34 this past weekend!)... I miss telling her what I made us for dinner, chatting about her questions or asking or getting her advice, and I miss hearing about the news she read in the paper that we had to talk about. (It would have been about Justice Scalia this weekend :).)

I know with time, it will get easier.... Well, I hope, because right now- it's pretty hard to believe.  But right now, I know, I talk to her every day in my new journal..... Without Mom is hard.

I urge you to call your Mom, and check in.  It doesn't take awhile, just hi... What are you up to.... And Be sure to say, "I love you more." ❤️



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